YERROWBOAT :D

Never good enough

What good will it make to be compared with others? How will it make the other feel? Will it just motivate the person or bring you down? 

I guess for me, it really brings me down. Which parent in the world would do that? I mean I know there are and my mom is just one of them. It makes me feel even more unmotivated. The look on their faces and the pride they have when they tell others about my results, it really tells it all. Not just that, the remarks she give.. And say why others can and you cannot. Everybody got their limits, if you really want me to be that good, then see what you can do as a parent and not just use saying. Say and say and say. Why others can be this you cannot? Why others can you cannot? Am I that other person? Hell no, I’m me. Then just be proud of who I am instead of saying all the unnecessary stuff.

Then when I’m older, it’s no more about results but the job I’m gonna take. Then the pay and how much I as a daughter will be giving her. I really thought.. I really thought I was good enough to give her whatever amount I said. Instead, not to my surprise as well, she made that comparison. AGAIN. And she can simply just say it easily, that she is just saying, that she casually saying only. Seriously, WHAT CRAP AND BULLSHIT MAN. I’m not earning a lot and I planned my money properly. That’s why I came to that conclusion.

I didn’t anyhow just say and come up with that amount. & I thought it’s the heart of giving that’s important. But to you, the money that I give is important. I’ll never forget what you say forever. It really breaks my heart, that my mother will ever say such things and do such comparisons. I’m never gonna do that to my child. Because I believe and trust that they would have thought through matters properly, before coming to that conclusion. I did. But I guess.. I am never good enough for anyone. It’s either I’m not doing this this this this and that that that enough. How do I ever please everyone? And how about pleasing myself sometimes?

I’m just never good enough.